When our pediatrician told me to call ECI b/c at 15 months my twins weren’t’ talking, i thought he was crazy. Kids will talk when they talk, every other developmental milestone had been met. I called anyways and set up an apt for an evaluation. By the time the twins were 3 and my youngest was 1 1/2 it became pretty clear things weren’t just right. After a year and a half of ST/OT with little progress the therapists and I began talking about Autism. It was hard to accept but at the time I thought, it is what it is, things will still level out.
I’ve never been big on long-term plans but I just knew that by time the kids were 5 and kindergarten age they would be like every other kiddo in their class. As the years passed I forgot about those thoughts and reality set in. The boys were (& still are) in therapy, and in PPCD at the local elementary school. Autism was a part of our daily life.
Now that the twins are 6 and my youngest is of kindergarten age this year, it hit me. This was the year everything was supposed to have worked itself out by. My kids were supposed to be talking, going on play dates with friends, etc. I’m supposed to be going back to work, life is supposed to moving on…
Well it is, so to speak, just not the way I had once planned. Am I complaining…not really, more just absorbing. I love my kids, we have a blast, but it’s a hard thing to accept the fact that your children may never be able to speak to you, or complete basic self-help skills.
Does it change my feelings toward my children, or have those feeling changed over the years? I would have to say I fell more in love with children than I thought possible when I got the autism diagnosis, but a lot of days are still hard. Especially when those days are followed by sleepless nights 🙂
But life seems to be that way, as soon as you make a plan it throws you a curve ball….swing, miss, run and hide…whatever you do…time keeps going…So where does that leave me and my broken plans….I guess in the same place I’ve been for the past few years…taking one day at time, trying to keep it together, and praying for the small victories, in autism and in life….